It's 13 year old Peter with Catie! Boy oh boy, I sure hope that nothing happens to Catie that would irreperately damage Peter in several different ways.

Firstly, congratulations on the engagement!

As for another topic that came up, I think we all, if a character's sexuality isn't mentioned, are free to follow our own views of it.

There are several new chapters, so I'll read and comment in parts, both for my time and the length of my posts. Hope that's okay.

Chapter Four:

I've always said writing about things doesn't equal encouraging them, I can't even fathom why one would think so or how they imagine any serious work, either fiction or documentary, without such aspects.Even if a character doing wrong gets it good in the end, this doesn't mean the author claims it is a way to go, it may mean they wanted to represent an unfair situation, with the goal of people working to change it. Or they simply wanted to express their ideas about such events. I'm a bit bummed this often needs be said to the audience, but then I'm also glad you once again highlighted it in your warning.

In any case, it's very creative you included the disorder, I never thought of Peter in that context. I'm interested in psychology, including its darker aspects, trying to understand these mindsets and find helpful ways. I feel the way you wrote it makes sense, how he gradually and sometimes unconsciously gets engaged in it (um, awkward to say and awkward not to say...I won't get into how much you know of this personally. I just wish all the best.).

I also loved the trace of thoughts when Peter said Drew was leaving like everyone else. I never stopped to thoroughly think of why individual people say that, if it's intentionally manipulative or simply immature. Maybe it's sort of both here.

I don't know if a romantic interest is supposed to be hinted, at least from Drew's part, or it's without that. But, you gave a new dimension to what we already know- Drew is likely not Dauntless-apt and only there for Peter. Here, we see their PoV's (even if Drew isn't a narrator): both conflicted, dependant of each other and unwilling to compromise to be together at the same time. You certainly included lots of deep psychological topics. Even though I know what they decide in canon, I feel like I don't because of the anticipation you created.

@EmmyAnimal

Thank you for the congratulations! I'm very happy about it, heh. I want everyone to know. My goal is to be an annoying idiot who brags about their relationship constantly.

And yeah, commenting in parts makes sense to me! I wouldn't want you to get overwhelmed.

I mostly put the warning there because people who would be affected by such topics are people already struggling with such things. Since mental disorders warp your mindset so much, it seems only fair to add a little disclaimer. While it's obvious to some that a work featuring harmful behaviors doesn't condone it, I don't want to take risks when it comes to somebody's safety!

I don't think I would have written him even close to this way without my personal experience. I likely would have written him doing bad things, then lazily tacked on a "No, you shouldn't do that" in his head or something at the end. I like to take characters and sort of twist them into the specific ways that I project onto them. Peter is a perfect example of that for me. I believe he was intended to be written as a character who enjoys bad things with a lingering doubt in the back of his mind (Though I obviously don't speak for Veronica Roth) but I think it's more fun to play with his mindset a bit more! My main goal with this is that if Tris/Four/Christina/any other character shown to have an active rivalry with Peter were to read his perspective, they would feel bad for him in some capacity. That's the mark of having written the other side of the story for me. Otherwise, all I've done is slap what Tris thinks about him in a story without much thought of my own.

And yeah, I'm sure it's easy to tell that lots of this is based on personal experience. I appreciate you thinking of me, I'm a lot better now. Drew and Peter's dynamic with this sort of thing is actually based off of mine with my boyfriend. I have had many sharp objects confiscated. The tile thing is based off of personal stuff, too, though it was a floorboard for me.

I've always loved exploring emotional manipulation, and Drew and Peter are the perfect vessels to do this! It's going to get so much worse, and I can't wait. I wrote it with the intent of Peter purposefully manipulating Drew, but wanting to stop himself.

Oh, yeah, Drew is madly in love. It won't be focused on, probably, but Molly is a visionary. As for Peter, no. If Catie hadn't died, something may have happened between him and Drew, but as is, he's not willing to let go of the fact that Drew is all he has left of his dead sister. He is very determined to see him and treat him like a little brother and ignore any signs to the contrary. Drew's probably admitted his feelings to Molly before. She's just trying to wingman :(

I'm so glad I was still able to build some anticipation! That was my main worry!

That's true, of course, if one is in such a state to self harm, their perception of it could be different. Thanks for pointing that out. I seem to have focused on those who consciously believe mentions in media encourage such actions, or can get someone who was mentally healthy to start out of the blue (like that time when many said that viseo games cause violence, for example).

I did think there might be personal experience behind it since it was written very convincingly; anyhow, I hope experessing it this way helps you like you earlier said art does. I was going to say, Peter's final statement about bad things he does meant exactly that for me, and in your fanfic it's like it stretches thoughout the whole inner monologue, it fits what he eventually says- he did say he'd felt like that for quite some time, whereas many overlook that and feel like he only changed when he said it. Your additions do make it more interesting or even understandable.

I always thought something similar, if a villain from Tris'/Four's generation were the main character, many readers would root for them and be annoyed by the now good guys. What you say continues to that.

Thanks for clarifying on the motives; that sounds sensible for the character. The dinamic regarding romance is also neat.

Video games causing violence is stupid to me, but fiction's affects on reality is one of my favorite topics if you want to listen to me ramble for a while.

Yeah, writing this is very therapeutic! I've tried journaling, but it just makes me sad. Writing this way makes me feel so detached that I can get emotions out without it depressing me!

I'm glad the motives work!

Very excited to see what you think about the other chapters! I'm about halfway done with the next one right now, too! Your commentary helps me improve my writing a lot! Feel free to give critiques, too!

I do think fiction can affect reality in the way you described, I just think that means there probably already is a psychological issue, I don't really think fiction alone, or at least reading one part of one piece of fiction, can cause it, I think it can trigger something already existing. I should have remembered to emphasize I assumed good mental health when I said I don't understand how it could suddenly get one to do the same. Maybe if consumers are very young children who don't understand the consequences. Of course, maybe you have points that I overlook, so feel free to tell them.

Interesting about journaling, it's usually listed as helpful, and is for me, so it's very useful to hear the experience of someone who it didn't work for, so that it isn't taken for granted it will have a positive effect. I always try to leave room for the option that something said to be beneficial won't be, but it's more reassuring and a better base in discussing to have explicitely heard it from someone who tried and didn't like it.

:)

Yeah, totally agree! I don't think somebody would read a book about assassins and then want to go out and murder somebody if there wasn't already an issue there. But say that person only read about assassins and never anything else. I believe that can cause an issue. There's a fascinating study I can link you to about active and passive imagining. It heavily ties to fiction and how it can affect mindsets, specifically in interests of the more adult variety. It mostly focuses on morally reprehensible attractions and adult fantasies and how consuming media will not satiate them but rather make one statistically more likely to do something related to these actions in the future. If that sounds interesting, I can grab the link.

I'm sure journaling is overall helpful for me, or at least would be once I got more used to it, but I find that this holds the positive effects of journalling without the side effect of me being a wreck afterward.

(PS: I tried to keep this as clean as possible, considering the subject matter of the study I was talking about. If I need to delete that part, let me know.)

@EmmyAnimal

Interesting example about only reading fiction of one topic. In that case, of course, I expect it would leave an impact. I probably didn't word my thoughts so well earlier, I overlooked quite a few cases. I was only thinking of warnings that say the author doesn't approve of harmful actions in their work, I am bummed these are expected as if the defualt thought, without them, would be that they do approve of it. Of course, you can share the link.

As for me personally, I don't mind any parts of your post. As for FANDOM's Guidelines, I believe it is still within what is okay according to them. Thanks for considering that.

Chapter Five:

It was very enjoyable because the Ceremony is my favorite part of the story. Very neat representations of Peter's trace of thoughts as he wakes up and thinks about what he'd done. I'm thinking, that quote about doing bad, liking it and wondering what's wrong with him can as well refer to self harm too, it gets another dimension that way.

Someone please let Molly know she will use the stairs if she chooses Dauntless lol.

I especially enjoy chances to read characters' thoughts when factions are listed- even if I often want to argue about it, like now haha. He does have a point about the corrupted Abnegation though.

One other thing: one time you wrote 'Choosing Ceremony'; with capitals, and the other time without them, so if you didn't notice and want consistency in that, you can edit it. I believe the books do capitalize it.

@EmmyAnimal

I'll go fix the capitalization thing! Thanks for the heads up!

And MOLLY? Using STAIRS? Unprecedented. How horrible. Poor, poor Molly.

Now i wanna draw what i think they would look like-